"One Way To Honor and Build Trust in Your Relationship and
Each Other"There are things in every relationship that are sacred. One of these
things that we think is most sacred is the trust that can be
developed if both people in the relationship honor that thoughts
and feelings, whether they are of a positive nature or negative,
will be shared first with each other. Here's an example from our own lives to show you what we mean... Both of us, in our previous relationships, felt the need to talk to
friends and not always our spouses about what was really on our
minds. We often chose to tell our inner most secrets and frustrations
to our friends and omit this information when we talked with our
spouses. Although this wasn't the primary reason both of these relationships
ended in divorce, we think that it was one way that trust was eroded
and not built in those relationships. When we got together in our relationship, we figured out that if we
hoped to have a relationship built on trust and deep connection that
this type of intimate sharing with others was a pattern of behavior
that had to stop. If there was conflict, disagreement or challenges that came up, we
agreed that we would talk to each other instead of venting our frustrations
with a friend or co-worker. This was our sacred agreement with each
other. We just love Bruce Springsteen's song, "If I should fall behind"
because it says exactly how we have chosen to be in a relationship
with each other. In the song he says, "Let's make our steps clear
so the other can see." To us, this means telling the other person what we are thinking as
soon as we have sorted it out ourselves. We don't feel like we have
to hide or sugar-coat our truth about a situation or unload on a friend
how we are truly feeling without first telling each other. This doesn't mean we never talk to friends and other family members
about our thoughts or what's happening in our lives. Quite the
contrary. What we are saying is that we have agreed to tell each other first,
things that are personal and feelings that come up about the other
person. If you find that you have been complaining to other people about your
partner or someone close to you and you are not telling your partner
how you are feeling, stop. By talking to others first about your issues instead of the person
involved, you will continue to erode the safety and trust in your relationship.
By talking to others about your issues instead of the person your conflict
is with, you could be playing the role of the victim or martyr. Believe it or not, you may actually be enjoying the sympathy and
attention from other people that you are getting from complaining
about the situation with your partner. If you want to build trust and create a close, connected
relationship, we've found that this kind of behavior has to stop. Choosing to let your partner know where you stand and what is
going on inside you is not only a way to build trust but also a way
to deepen your connection as well...
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About The Author
For more information about building trust in your relationships, go to
http://www.collinspartners.com/relationships/honor.htm
Susie and Otto Collins
P.O. Box 1614
Chillicothe, Ohio 45601
(740) 772-2279
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