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home>>family>>relationship>>do you care too much...

Do You Care Too Much to be Loved?


You would think being too caring and giving in a relationship is a good thing, a desirable thing. If you gave your partner too much, cared about him or her too much, you would want to be thanked, be appreciated for it, wouldn't you?

Unfortunately, giving too much or caring too much in a relationship makes your partner appreciate you less rather than more. The more you care and give, the more likely your partner is to think you need him or her more than he or she needs you. And the more likely your partner will think of you as a doormat who will do anything to please.

If you care too much and do too much, you likely feel taken for granted and not cared about much. You are often the one people leave behind, the one left wondering what went wrong.

I am not saying some giving and some caring in a relationship is bad. But doing too much of either will likely lead to you being alone.

How much is too much? Take this assessment and find out if you are giving too much and if you care too much in your relationship.

Choose statements that best describe you.

1. Your significant other is struggling financially. You:

A. Ask him/her to move in with you
B. Give him/her money to help
C. Loan him/her money with an agreed upon payment date
D. Offer lots of emotional and moral support

2. You bring presents, flowers, cards, etc. for your significant other on the following occasions:

A. Every time you see him/her
B. Most times you see him/her
C. On very special occasions, and some made up special occasions
D. For major holidays, plus a few other special times

3. Your significant other is feeling overwhelmed with life/responsibilities/work. You support him/her by:

A. Moving in and attempting to carry most of his/her load
B. Cleaning his/her house, cooking for his/her family, or taking on other household or childcare responsibilities
C. Agreeing to take on some responsibilities for a short period of time, while another plan is being formulated
D. Helping him/her figure out how to restructure life/work/family so that the load is lessened

4. Your significant other has just forgotten an important occasion or has done something inconsiderate. You deal with this by:

A. Saying absolutely nothing - you do not want to hurt his/her feelings
B. Bringing the incidents up only during a fight, as ammunition. Otherwise, you would rather not take a chance at hurting his/her feelings
C. Bringing up the incident and sharing how it made you feel
D. Bringing up the incident and talking about why it turned out this way

5. You care about your significant other and want to make sure the two of you have enough time together. You try to arrange your schedule so that you can:

A. Spend every available moment with him/her
B. Spend every night together with him/her
C. Spend a few weekday nights and the weekend together
D. Spend a mutually agreed upon amount of time together

What this assessment reveals about you:

* If you primarily picked "A"s, you give and care much too much. Back off emotionally or you may find yourself alone again and again. Instead channel all that wonderful giving energy into volunteer work.

* If you primarily picked "B"s and you are dating, you are caring and giving too much. Find another outlet, creative or service oriented. However, if you are married or in a very long-term relationship, your level of giving/caring is right on target.

* If you primarily picked "C"s, you are in the average/healthy range of caring and giving. Try improving your communication to drastically improve your relationship.

* If you primarily picked "D"s, congratulations. You seem to be in a very healthy, thriving relationship, where the two of you can communicate your needs and wants.

What to do if you care and give too much:
After this article, you may be convinced you need to curb your giving, but you may not be able to do it. Try this: every time you feel like overdoing it in your relationship, give to charity or volunteer.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

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About The Author
Rinatta Paries, 1998-2003.
Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnettm"!
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