When we apply our knowledge from the DISC, the
StrengthsFinder(tm) profile, the Keirsey, and the
EQ-Map, we can eliminate a lot of the stress
in the holidays.
How does this work?
Well, if you're going shopping for the tree with someone
who is ambitious, forceful, decisive, strong-willed,
independent and goal-oriented, be clear, specific, brief
and to the point. Schedule a specific time to take the trip
and appear well-organized. Know where you're going,
what height tree you want, what type, and how long you
plan to spend. Don't leave anything cloudy, i.e., either
plan to stop for snacks on the way home or don't - no
spontaneous "Hey, let's stop and get some hot chocolate
on the way home!" Talking about things not relevant to
the issue will cause tension, so make this trip totally and
only about the purchase of a Christmas tree. If you
need to buy a stand, well that's another trip!
Have an idea of what you want, but, since they're the
decisive one, it would be a lot easier to leave the
final decision up to them. They'd like it a lot!
Remember that they're comfortable making decisions,
so give them chances to do this and then don't double
think their decision. If you go in for a spruce, come
out with a spruce!
If you're planning a holiday party with someone who's
magnetic, enthusiastic, friendly, demonstrative and
political, don't bug them with the details. Make a
list, write it down, and keep it warm and friendly.
Ask "feeling" questions to draw their opinions or
comments -- "How would you feel if we made our own
eggnog?" or "Do you feel like it would be fun to
invite everyone we know for an Open House?"
Don't attempt to control the conversation; let it
have its own pace and life perhaps talking about the
idea of the party for some time before you get down
to the actual nitty-gritty.
Now, what if you're planning the office holiday party
with someone who is patient, predictable, reliable,
steady, relaxed and modest? Well, "how" questions are
their favorite, as they like to know how it is all
going to work out. Ask them how to handle the
invitation RSVP, the coat check, the door prizes. Go
over each detail carefully and slowly. Begin the
meeting with personal conversation, to break the ice;
don't rush into the business part. Being domineering
and demanding with them will cause tension, and
they'll also appreciate lots of time to ponder what
you propose. Keep things low-key and reassuring.
And what if you're going holiday shopping with someone
who is dependent, neat, conservative, perfectionist,
careful and compliant? This can be tricky because
they like to stick to business, and you may think it's
a holiday, but you can count on them to be accurate
and realistic about time and budget. Prepare your
"case" in advance. Make those lists! It makes them
unhappy when things appear to be disorganized or
you appear to get giddy, so think more in terms of
"getting the job done." Plan with them a nice
realistic time frame (unrealistic deadlines bug them),
list exactly whom you'll be shopping for and what the
budget is. They'll make sure you stick to it and that's
a real asset this time of year.
Moving on the strengths now -- if you're planning
Hanukkah with someone who's got these themes:
Positivity, WOO (winning others over), Empathy,
Communicator and Activator, well you have the Perfect
Host, so make use of it. They're long on "let's do it" and
short on the lists and the planning. Their cheery
disposition and Empathy put everyone at ease, and of
course, with the WOO, the more the merrier! Expect a
guest list of their 200 closest friends.
On the other hand, if you're planning a trip to the
in-laws with your spouse who's got Deliberative,
Strategic, Intellection, Input and Achiever, there will
need to be a lot of discussion about what might
go wrong and how to prevent it or plan for it, and
lots of "making a list and checking it twice." Give
them lots of time to, well, deliberate, being
supportive and encouraging and gently nudging when
it's time to stop strategizing and start doing. Oh,
and remember, they're happiest when they end each day
with a sense of accomplishment, so if you notice when
something has been accomplished, you'll make them
very happy.
Now as to introverts and extraverts! Well, the
holidays were made for extraverts, so all you have to
do is bring on the food and drink and get the people there!
To keep the introverts comfortable at a family gathering,
give them quiet chores to do -- setting the table, being in
charge of the music, or - a real favorite - being in
charge of photography.
Extraverts are puzzled by introverts, so you be the
one to tell Uncle Paul that Taylor is quite happy wandering
outside occasionally "for a breath of fresh air," and to let
her be. She'll come back in and mix when she's ready to!
Accommodating to the personal needs and preferences of
the individuals involved in your holiday celebrations is
the emotionally intelligent thing to do. If you use
your interpersonal skills, and are flexible and
creative, you can enjoy yourself and help others enjoy
themselves as well. And don't forget your Intuition.
It's your guide as to when things are going well and
when they aren't.
And don't forget the most important person-you!
Make your needs and preferences known; they count too.
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About The Author
Susan Dunn is a personal and professional
development coach. She offers individual coaching,
Internet courses and ebooks on emotional intelligence.
Visit her on the web at www.susandunn.cc and mail to
sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine.
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