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home>>family>>relationship>>how we affect...

How We Affect Each Other's Lives


Do you know what kind of an affect you have on other people? It is important to other's well being for you to be aware of what you put in their life. It is also important to your well being.

Let me give you an illustration. Let's say you are house sitting and not the tidiest person. You leave a bit of a mess, maybe move some items. The owners of the house return. They have to clean up and hunt for some items. Before resting from their journey they have to put the house back in order. This takes time, attention and effort.

If you cleaned up after yourself how would that be for them? No effort needed on their part. They would come home, relax and be grateful to you. What if you left their house better than you found it? Left some flowers or had dinner waiting for them? How would they feel when they returned? Taken care of, fed and nurtured.

Think of other people's lives as their houses. If you enter their life (house) and don't clean up after yourself, they will have to deal with your mess. This will rob them of energy. Let me give you some examples of how we leave a mess in people's lives without realizing it.

Take a couple out on a first date. They have a great time. They make plans for the next date. Yet one of them is never heard from again. The mess left for the other person is lowered self esteem and unanswered questions.

Take a couple where one partner suddenly leaves, never having voiced that anything was wrong. The mess here is pain, fear of abandonment, mistrust of others, and mistrust of self for the person left behind.

How about a couple where one partner does not participate as much as the other? The mess is the drain of energy for the partner that compensates for the lack of participation from the other.

Here are a few more instances: Being rude leaves people hurt. Cheating leaves a partner feeling betrayed and hurt. Lying leaves people doubting themselves. Not keeping a promise leaves people frustrated and mistrustful.

The point to get here is not that it's a good idea to be nice to people. In being unconscious of our effect, we cause damage. The world has too much disappointment and pain for us to add more. Besides, we pay a price every time we cause damage. We loose a bit of self trust and self respect. We begin to expect to be treated the same as we treat others.

What would your life be like if you left flowers in other people's houses and cooked them dinner? What would it be like if you left a trail of caring and completion? This may be as simple as making that phone call you don't want to make to tell someone you are not interested in dating them. It maybe a bit more difficult, like telling your partner what is not working in the relationship and negotiating to make it work. It may be contributing and participating more, so that you and your partner have a great life. It may be saying you are sorry, or telling the truth when it would be easier to lie.

What ever you have to do to leave people's lives intact and their energy full is worth doing. It may be a risk, a bit scary or uncomfortable. But it leaves you whole and allows you to move forward in your life. It leaves their house full of flowers and sunshine in yours.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

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About The Author

Rinatta Paries, 1998-2003.
Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnettm"!
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