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home>>family>>dating>>30 and Never Had... A Real Date

30 and Never Had... A Real Date

by: Jessica Rector

I have to make a confession (one that is known by so few). Although Iíve hung out with a few guys, I have never had a real date. It seems a little weird to say that I am 30 and have never had a real date, but I know I canít be the only woman who this describes. It just boggles my mind, for whatever reason, this can occur to no fault of the woman. Let me explain. I am a reasonably intelligent, educated, passionate woman. I am a world traveler, who enjoys laughing, adventure, and loving life. Okay, so I am picky--very picky, with high expectations and standards. I have friends who want me to lower my standards, but to me that says they donít think I deserve what I think I deserve. I refuse to settle. I donít believe in doing it, and I have known too many people who have done it in various aspects of their lives.

In high school, I was never really interested in dating. I didnít think anything of this at the time, after all, I was more interested in hanging out with my friends. I did have this mad crush on a guy who was my friend, but he (I assume because everyone knew how much I liked him) didnít like me like that, which just happens to be a repetitive theme in my life. A few weeks before prom, I started talking to another guy, because I really wanted a prom date. We were having problems a couple days before prom, but I didnít want to end it, because we had already paid for everything for prom. I stuck it out, and it ended right after prom.

I went to college, As college goes, youíre broke, and no one has money to go out on a real date. My freshman year, I hung out with a couple of guys. One heavily pursued me, and we started going out. Just as I really started to like him, Christmas came, and he became interested in someone else. My first semester sophomore year, I met a guy, and we started going out, which consisted of hanging out at his place most of the time. We went out to eat once in our three month relationship (which to this date in my life is still my longest relationship), but I had to pay for the both of us. He, very conveniently, ďhad no money.Ē Second semester sophomore year, I met a group of guys. From that moment until the end of my college years, I hung out almost exclusively with this group and never really thought about dating. Okay, I thought about datingÖone of them. We hung out, wanting to start something, and decided to tell the rest of the group. Needless to say, that was the beginning and end of us.

After college, I had another mad crush on someone I worked with. Once again, he knew (as everyone knew) how much I liked him; and again, he didnít feel the same. I changed jobs a year later. Six months after I started my job, I had lunch with a guy, as friends. We went dutch. Shortly after, we started seeing each other but never really went on a date. It ended in a month. A month later, I started seeing someone else. We hung out but, again, never went out, because he was broke. It lasted a month. That was 6, yes 6, years ago. And you know what? I havenít been out with anyone since. Itís not that I donít want to, because I do, really, I do. I just donít know where to meet them. Bars and clubs arenít really my scene. I havenít worked with anyone whom Iím interested in. My friends are married and know no good single men. Iíve asked them. I know some good single men still exist...but, where are they?

Iíve been asked my whole life, ďWhy donít you have a boyfriend?Ē If I knew the answer to this question, which I hate, by the way, I would try to rectify it. Lately, Iíve been asked, ďWhen are you getting married?Ē Well...you have to have been on a real date first. What really remains a mystery to me is how I am 30 years old and have never had a real date. How is that possible? Not because I am a supermodel, but I just never thought that I would be 30 and never been on a date. Most girls go on their first date when they are 16. So, Iíve missed that boat by just a few years. Iíve heard numerous times, ďIt will happen when you are not looking.Ē Well, I havenít really been looking for the last 30 years...and it has yet to happen.

I donít think my date expectations are too high. What I mean by a real date is dinner, one where I am not paying for him. I donít even mind paying for myself. Included in the date would be a movie, a comedy show, piano bar, nice walk, or anything that shows a little imagination is a nice touch. Shoot, who am I kidding? At this point, I would go for just dinner.

Also, my guy standards used to be a lot lower. They have risen throughout the years. Okay, so I can tell you my ďidealĒ man, but Iím willing to compromise on certain things (he doesnít have to be an architect). Iím not willing to settle, which is why my previous men encounters have lasted so briefly. Iím not the kind of woman who will go out with a guy for a free meal or just for the sake of going. If thereís no potential for something more, I will end it. Hence, the one month encounters mentioned above.

In the last couple of years, I have really enjoyed spending time with my girlfriends (although all are married). This may hinder my man situation just a bit. My friends are no longer looking, so when we go out, we donít go to the same places we would have gone when we were single. I canít really go looking for someone by myself. Okay, so maybe I havenít aggressively pursued to rectify this as much as I could. Then again, where does a single girl go to become a ďrealĒ date for someone? Iíve asked around, and no one seems to have a definitive answer. Now...thereís a real mystery for you. So, guys, anyone up for dinner?

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About The Author
After earning a bachelor's degree and while earning a master's degree, both in marketing, Jessica Rector began to second guess herself and her career choice. Although she enjoyed this field, she felt her passion was elsewhere. She says, "Although I wasn't sure what it was, I felt there was something missing in the marketing field for me. So, I set out to find what what I really wanted to do. I needed to listen to what my heart and soul were saying to me." Through this journey, Ms. Rector traveled down paths that allowed her to take control over her life. She had her own television talk show in Los Angeles for two years. She currently spends her time empowering, edifying, and motivating others to live their life to the fullest.
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