"We cling to our bad feelings and beat ourselves with the past
when what we should do is let go of it, like Peter did. Once
your let go of guilt, then you go out and change the world."
-- James Carroll
Carroll is referring to Peter, a disciple of Jesus who, when
faced with questions about his relationship to Jesus, three
times denied any connection. Later, Peter went on to help spread
Christianity throughout the world.
While this article isn't about religion, the example of Peter's
great guilt over his denials of Christ, and his overcoming of
his shame and guilt, exemplify the importance of self-
forgiveness.
Forgiving yourself leads to great things!
Whether you've smoked for a year or a lifetime, you probably
have experienced guilt or shame about smoking. Many smokers feel
shame over their own failure to control themselves. Others feel
guilt over the perceived "sin" of smoking. Still others hide
their smoking from society's persecution of "obnoxious, weak,
unconcerned, polluting, smelly" smokers, due to feeling ashamed.
Guilt and shame paralyze and polarize. The sad thing about guilt
and shame is that it is often the result of incorrect
perceptions of a situation. Have you ever wronged another
person, then felt guilty for it? Did you avoid that person for a
long time? When you finally got back together with that person
you may have found that they had forgiven you long ago, and they
wished that you were in their life again. How much time did you
waste feeling guilty?
Many smokers, in an effort to make themselves feel better, tell
themselves "I've smoked this long. It's too late now for me to
quit. I might as well keep on smoking." They may think they are
forgiving themselves, but the reality is they are only making
excuses. There's a big difference between making excuses and
truly forgiving. An excuse denies the reality of a problem.
Forgiveness acknowledges a problem, yet moves beyond the
problem.
To forgive your own smoking, you must admit to yourself that you
have a problem that began in the past. Acknowledge the past, but
also acknowledge that the past is over and can never be changed.
What's done is done, now you must move on. Forgive yourself for
starting to smoke. Did you smoke to be disobedient to your
parents or other authority figure? Acknowledge that this
happened and that it may have been wrong, but what's done is
done. Are you ashamed that you have become dependent on a drug?
There are many reasons why this has happened, many of which you
were probably unaware of at the time. Forgive yourself for
falling into the trap. Millions of people are right there with
you. You are not alone, so don't beat yourself up for it.
The goal of forgiveness is renewal. On the other side of guilt
is a new freedom. By freeing yourself from feeling inadequate
over old shortcomings, you empower yourself to achieve great
results. When you are no longer trapped in self-doubt and self-
pity you can overcome any obstacle. You can look at smoking
objectively and turn away from it at last. Change what you can
change; don't worry about the rest.
If you ask yourself who's to blame for your smoking habit, you
could probably come up with three or four answers: yourself, the
tobacco companies, your parents, your friends. Whoever or
whatever the cause for your habit, forgive. It really doesn't
matter anymore. What you want to concern yourself with now is
moving past smoking. You'll never do that until you let go of
the guilt and shame and blame, and simply let go of all of it.
What matters is that you quit.
It's odd how the things we desire the least can control us the
most. Instead of focusing on the negative past, draw your
attention to your positive future. Forgive your past and get
excited about today, because today you can do something amazing!
......................................................................................................................................................................
About The Author
** Article Copyright Fred Kelley of QuitSmoking.com. Visit the web site at http://www.quitsmoking.com
for great information and products designed to help you
quit smoking.
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