The Language of Men

I'M GOING FISHING
Translated: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand while the fish swim by in complete safety.

IT'S A GUY THING
Translated: There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance of making it logical.

CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?
Translated: Why isn't it already on the table?

UH HUH, SURE HONEY or YES DEAR
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN
Translated: I have no idea how it works.

TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD
Translated: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

THAT'S INTERESTING DEAR
Translated: Are you still talking?

YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS
Translated: I remember the theme song to 'F Troop, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES.
Translated: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.

OH,DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
Translated: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt.

HEY I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING
Translated: And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.v

WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?
Translated: What did you catch me at?

I HEARD YOU.
Translated: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.

YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.
Translated: I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.

YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.
Translated: Oh, God, please don't try on another outfit, I'm starving.

I'M NOT LOST, I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.
Translated: No one will ever see us alive again.

WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.
Translated: I make the mess, she cleans it up.

<< previous   next >>